Guidos, Guidettes, and a tub o’ hair gel

So I’ve decided to get on yet another pop culture bandwagon and have started watching MTV’s unbelievably trashy and expectedly entertaining Jersey Shore. A list of three of the characters and their best moments thus far (I’m on episode 3 currently, so a character for each episode):

Nicole a.k.a. Snooki:  The craziest of the guidettes, Snooki has a ridiculous poofy dog kinda hairdo and is the most fake tanned of all.  She gets shitfaced the first night in the house and gets in the jacuzzi in her bra and thong, leading to a fantastic line by another housemate (Angelina I believe): “Why wouldn’t you put a bikini thong on, that’s more classier (sp).”   Awwwwesome.  Snooki also likes to eat pickles and has a specific regiment while doing so.  Snooki cannot understand why the boys of the Shore house like to watch her eat pickles she tells us in voice over, but then we learn why: her regimen involves sucking all the juice out of the pickle lusciously before eating it.  She’s sucking off the pickle in a fairly literal way.

Mike a.k.a The Situation: The Situation is called that because of the goings-on under his shirt that he calls The Situation and define him as a person.  He has very defined abs and, like all the boys, is gross.  He is perhaps the cockiest of all the boys.  He is a proud guido who believes in the guido tradition of “hair cut day of” (not sure day of what, so I took it to mean haircut everyday, which seems to not be cost effective when your hair is that short), and putting a shirt on right before you walk out the door to maintain ultimate freshness of said shirt.  What’s the point Sitch, when you’re just going to take it off at the club anyway?

Jenni a.k.a J-Woww: Jenni so far is my favorite on the show, probably just for her opening credits line of “I will hook up with boys and then rip their heads off when I’m done with them.”  Neat!  Her hair is quite a show stopper, all jet black except for the bleach blond tips.  She also wears tops out of an 80s Bon Jovi concert, all torn up in the back.  My favorite line of the show so far is when she darts out of the club earlier than the rest of the house.  Her justification for her early departure: “I left the club early because I was afraid I might cheat on my boyfriend….also I really wanted some ham <holds up package of deli ham slices> and some water.”  Be still my heart.

Even if you’re a member of an anti-defamation Italian-American group, do your guilty-pleasure-deprived-part of yourself a favor and start watching this ridiculousness before all the characters die of alcohol poisoning or in a fire propelled by the thick coating of hair gel covering their house.

Tags: Jersey Shore