Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

To the Person who Found us by Googling “how do you apologize for a rape”

October 12, 2009

It’s not that fucking hard to apologize!

Be sorry. Tell her you’re sorry. Offer to make ammends in the way that she sees fit.

I think what you’re actually asking is “how do you apologize for a rape and not get charged?” And you know what? I’m not going to give you that advice, because if you commit a crime, fucking pay for it.

Jesus Christ.

Movies on Tv

September 7, 2009

Watching movies on basic cable is always entertaining for the masking of the swears.

Right now I’m watching John Tucker Must Die (surprisingly hilarious: Dan Humphrey has an ENORMOUS curly mullet and Sophia Bush is a teen vegan activist) and Brittany Snow, temporary ball-cutting feminist (until the deep dicking love of a good man (or failing that, John Tucker) turns her, naturally) breaks up a fight in gym class (home of feminism!!) to be all: “This guy is cheating on all three of you and you’re beating the snot out of each other instead of taking it out on him!!!”

“Language!” interjects the gym teacher, who sends them all to detention. For snot? Oh basic cable, your censorship renders things so nonsensical, like the episode of SatC when Carrie dates a stoner, but they cut all the smoking parts out, so she’s just inexplicably pounding buckets of fried chicken throughout the half hour. Good times.

See you in the the Funny Papers, Kid

April 28, 2009

Hot breaking last week’s news, Bea Arthur died on Saturday.

Part of my grown-up televisional voraciousness is due to the fact that I wasn’t allowed to watch tv as a kid, so I actually missed out on seeing Ms. Arthur in action, although the few times I saw Golden Girls on Nick at Nite (lodging a spelling protest) I definitely laughed out loud. A lot.

I have so much admiration for the women who give me a wordless refutation to the oft repeated (generally by douchebags) cliche that women, categorically aren’t funny.

Really? Because just off the top of my head I can think of dozens of hilarious women (seriously in no particular order): Bea Arthur, Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Becki Newton, Dorothy Parker, Lucille Ball, Jennifer Coolidge, Elizabeth Banks, Janeane Garofalo, Molly Shannon, my friend Claire (okay, she’s not famous so maybe this doesn’t count), Amy Sederis, Rachel Maddow, Carol Burnett, Gilda Radnor, Lily Tomlin, Nancy Cartwright, Vanessa L. Williams, Bernedette Peters, Sarah Vowell, Niecy Nash, Judith Light, Jane Austen, Margaret Cho, Kathy Griffin, and this humble blogger, to name but the first two dozen that came to mind.

People who say “Women aren’t funny” are giving us a valuable bit of information about themselves: they don’t believe that women are properly people just as people who say “Mexicans are lazy” have managed to deceive themselves. We are, all of us, worthy of individual evaluation.

So thank you, Bea Arthur for being your wonderful self, for being one of the best in the world men think of as their own.