Archive for the ‘The O.C.’ Category

Aim Higher, Marissa Cooper; audience of O.C.

September 20, 2009

Doostyn: “I am not going to use my alcoholism as blackmail to save my marriage”
I feel like the o.c. has gotten a little nutty, i’m watching the end of the 3rd season.
Gnatalby: Heh. Yeah, the OC’s fall from grace is remarkably fast.
Doostyn: Everyone is just being a fucking idiot all the time to create drama. I hate when soaps create dramatic tension that way. Like i kind of like it when melrose does it, but that’s b/c melrose is bad, so i’m watching it expecting that. The o.c. is good and well written, it’s sad to see it like this.
Gnatalby: I know. it’s crazy. Do you recognize kaitlyn cooper? She was jenny humphrey’s friend agnes, the model who burned her crap.
Doostyn: Oh i didn’t notice that. I think you told me that though. She wasn’t on very many eps this season. Is she back for the 4th?
Gnatalby: Yes. She’s like… ambiguously evil. Like SLAT, which is a comparison you never want to have made, the OC has a hard time being consistent about how popular its characters are. Like, kaitlyn at one point is like: “Now that marissa is gone, I will rule the school!” And I’m like, “Expelled alcoholic trailer trash dating marissa ‘ruled the school?'”
Doostyn: Yeah what school? Harbor? Marissa was pretty unpopular there. I hate kirsten now too. She’s just irritating, and I used to like her.
Gnatalby: But wasn’t she hilare drunk at caleb’s memorial?
Doostyn: Yeah i liked drunk kirsten. But recovering alcoholics are never as good as their previous selves.
Gnatalby: I liked that julie’s plan to off caleb was poisoned margars.
Doostyn: Even julie is boring now, dating summer’s dad. Uh oh, ryan atwood is about to get in a fight, surprise surprise.
Aaaaand punch number one. Ooo furniture breaking! (he’s beating up… worschack is it?)
(trashy guy who stole prom after party money from taylor)
Gnatalby:I thought it was volchak, but I could totally be wrong.
Doostyn: Oh is worshack like on some other show from the 70s?
Gnatalby: I kind of forget what all happens
Doostyn: i think that might be my confusion
Gnatalby: It’s funny because at some point the kids all arrange for marissa and ryan to bone, allegedly for the first time, and I was like “Uh… whaaaaaaat?” Like, the fact that the kids on the show treat marissa and ryan as the super couple when clearly summer and seth are better is just baffling.
Doostyn: Yeah marissa and ryan are not a great couple. Like i don’t even care what breaks them up any more. summer and seth breaking up at the end of season 3 b/c of the college acceptance non acceptance thing was sort of dumb and obvious and tore them apart for no reason, but i was way more compelled than by the numerous times ryan’s fists go a-flailing for marissa’s honor.
Gnatalby: Totally
Doostyn:I think a lot of it is because marissa sucks
Gnatalby: I loathe her so much
Doostyn:But mischa barton is at least a terrible actress, so it can be fun to watch.
Gnatalby: and I can’t believe she’s the star of another show. Who watched the OC and thought: yes, she can carry a show.
Doostyn: Yeah what show is that? Something about models…
Gnatalby: the beautiful life
Doostyn: Yeah i am not going to watch that b/c it has her. I think lots of fans of the o.c. would feel the same way.
Gnatalby: The only thing to love about marissa is her alcohol problem.
Doostyn: When she prevented the rape in the van at volchak’s party i was like “ok, that’s cool,” but then when she broke up with him she was like “I always wanted to be a disney princess” or some bullshit… rather than “Some guys were going to rape a girl at your party douchenozzle.”
Gnatalby: Oh no, it’s better than that… she says she wants to be Liesel and have a guy like Ralph, who is, BTW a NAZI.
Doostyn: Oh yeah!!! Sound of music! Hahhahahha, I didn’t even think of that.
Gnatalby: Like, way to aim high.
wait… who was trying to rape whom?
Doostyn: Some random dudes were trying to rape some random drunk floozy and friend of volchak’s named heather i think after an all day party where marissa wakes up drinking a beer (which is also kind of awesome).
Gnatalby: Totally. I love tv alcoholics though sometimes I become concerned by how little they drink, compared to say, us. But not on the OC, where kirsten coolly drinks like 8oz of vodka at a time. Like allison on the ‘place, kirsten should look into mixers.
Doostyn: Bree drinks a fair amount i guess, according to lynette’s shame parade of her bottles. Although in that scene i remember being like “How much time do those bottles cover…” which then made me think “is that the normal reaction most people have or do they just think, yep, a CLEAR alcoholic.”
Gnatalby: Heh, right. I mean, IIRC it was like, 12 bottles, which didn’t seem thaaat bad to me. Unless it was like, two days. But if it was like, a couple of weeks?
Doostyn: Ok time for vh1 divas. i’m glad paula abdul is able to embarrass herself on anther venture
Gnatalby: Some show recently featured a paula abdul dream sequence involving paula being surprisingly harsh. Unless I dreamed that…. why can’t I remember? oh, right, drop dead diva. thank god I didn’t make that up. all my tv runs together
Doostyn: Oh god she’s a mess. There are men carrying her up stairs which is not a dance move. just laziness/
Gnatalby: That’s like my 21st b-day. And every subsequent birthday.
Doostyn: and she was lurching like a mad/drunk/pilled up woman towards the crowd. I was a little frightened she was going to plunge into them.
Gnatalby: Awesome. Maybe it’s best that paula leaves the walking to others.
Doostyn: yeah she’s really good at being carried. She should stick with it. Ok so she’s like “I’m paula abdul and THIS IS NOT AMERICAN IDOL!!!!” Then immediately follows with: “I’m so proud of MY kelly clarkson. and MY jennifer hudson. and MY jordin sparks.” and then: “I practically breast fed them!”
Gnatalby: Who is proud of jordin sparks?? And HA. Can you imagine what would happen to you if you breast fed from paula?
Doostyn: The jonas brothers are proud of getting beejamers while on tour with jordin sparks in the erotica i write. You would be so high. It might be nice. I’m not saying i would drink paula abdul’s breast milk, but i might consider a synthetic version.

Right back where we started from

June 21, 2009

I think I’ve met Mr. Right, and per usual with all-important life questions, the answer was in front of me the whole time.  His name is Seth Cohen, and we share a special relationship (I take turns drinking beer and drooling over his hotness, he amuses me with his neuroses and quips, we both adore Summer, me in a less boner-y way).

Last night I was working through the second season of The O.C. at a fast clip when I got to the awesome episode where the four main characters are trapped overnight in a mall (which reminded me of one of my favorite bad movies as a kid, Career Opportunities, with Jennifer Connelly and a dude stuck overnight in a Target, and also of a movie I never saw, Where the Heart Is, where Natalie Portman gives birth in a Wal-Mart…thankfully Marisa Cooper did not give birth to the whiny self-indulgent antichrist that is probably incubating in her womb).  This season the show has been even more self-referential than in the previous season, with characters reminding each other of ludicrous plot lines and barely keeping a straight face (I love when soaps do this, give their characters memories of their densely-packed-with-weirdness past selves).  The Valley, the tv program that exists only in the O.C.-verse and is pretty much the same show as The O.C., now has a reality show version of itself, just as The O.C. got with Real Housewives of Orange County.  And this whole episode is a revisit to the first season’s romantic plotlines involving the main four, since they are with different love interests for most of the season but suddenly back together (Seth and Summer) or suddenly single (Ryan, whose girlfriend has recently left town, and really Marisa since, as her mother rightfully points out, she’s only in a lesbian relationship to prove a bratty teenage point).

The magical moment Seth and I shared that sealed our eternal romantic fate:  The gang is trying to elude mall security, and in doing so set up a TV to play a DVD of The Valley inside of a tent to fool the security guards while they run to the safety of their car.  I proclaimed aloud “That was awesome!” only to be immediately met with Seth Cohen saying “That was awesome!”  I now consider us to be gay married.

On a very special 90210

May 1, 2009

The following 90210 dialogue made me laugh out loud:

Random Frat Dude: Hey Sanders, before we play golf, I’ve got a little present for you…

Steve Sanders: Oh?

RFD: Check it out.

SS: Ah, you know what? I never really got into pot. But go right ahead, I’ve always been more of a beer guy.

RFD: Oh come on, Sanders, believe me. Golf is an impossible combination of concentration and relaxation–

SS: Mrnf.

RFD: Pot is the ultimate bridge, Sanders, come on.

SS: All right, I’ll try anything once.

RFD: There you go! And if you like, I’ll give you some for later, you know, a little Valentine’s gift for you and Claire…

SS: Oh yeah?

RFD: Oh yeah! There’s only one thing that goes better with pot than golf and that’s SEX my friend!

SS: Really?

RFD: Fssyeah.

SS: Well in that case, roll me a big fat joint!

90s tv wrote some checks reality failed to cover.  First off, the only thing that goes better with pot than golf is raw cookie dough dunked in nutella, duh. Second, although I haven’t finished watching this episode (and I’ll be happy to correct myself if I turn out to be wrong) I’m pretty sure we’re gearing up for another one of those Steve Sanders Makes A Bad Decision That Could Cost Him His Degree– Or His Life! episodes. It seems so antiquated already that people used to make such a big deal out of pot, especially in comparison to drinking.

The same year (1997), 7th Heaven ran an episode about the dangers of The Reefer Stick in which Annie, the mother, admits to having smoked pot once and naturally it ended with a terrible car accident and a dead teen. The revelation that she once smoked pot causes a rift in her marriage to the Reverend Camden (although it’s healed by the end of the episode). Seasons later Simon runs down a kid on a bike, but it’s okay, because the kid had been smoking pot (and therefore deserved to die).  But say what you will about Sev Heav, it also came down hard on drinking.  Mary Camden drank half a beer once and got kicked of high school and was then forced to move to Buffalo.  On 90210, the gang drinks to actual excess with no consequences all the time.

Nowadays, I feel like the booze and the pot are treated similarly on most tv shows. On The OC when Seth starts smoking pot it affects his grades and his girlfriend Summer is like, “Whatever, I get it, we all went through that phase freshman year while you were busy being a nerd, but you’ll want to shape up.” Which seems like a refreshingly realistic reaction.  That 70s Show obviously normalized the pot circle in the basement for the prime time audience and seemed result in the usual array of teens: Dumb Kelso, Smart Eric and Donna, crafty Hyde. And on last week’s Gossip Girl, lovable stoner Nate said to no fanfare that he knows the best dealer at NYU.

The most obvious way tv failed to prepare us for reality, is that there is a sad lack of congenial, overinterested in your sex life drug dealers who want to give you pot for free.

It’s a business, people!  There’s no such thing as Mary Jane happy hour. Although that does kind of seem like a good idea for any place in the business of vending snacks…