Archive for the ‘Best Week Ever’ Category

Ooo boy you’re looking like you like what you see, but I can’t fathom letting you “work up” on my car

April 18, 2009

Commenting on something from a clip show (in this case  VH1’s “Best Week Ever”) might be a little unfair since they’ve sifted through hours and hours of shit to find the hidden sparkly bits so have already done some of the heavy lifting; however, the properly trained (i.e. druuuuunk) Booze Tube mind makes no distinctions (also, as gnatalby would say, “I’m not a lifter”).

On last night’s edition, we were shown a clip from a bizarre docu-show about people who “love” their cars (to the point of licking them clean apparently rather than the usual wash and wax with non-bodily instruments) and a man afflicted with such looooouvre explained that the tail pipe was the anus of a car.  Fair enough…really what else would be?  Things got weirder (I know, is that possible?) when he revealed his love is best expressed through anal sex.  Yes, he’s a tail pipe fucker, but for some reason (couldn’t be that it sounds more palatable) this man describes it as simply anal sex-ing the love of his life.  Anal sex can be messy/weird regardless of who/what you’re fucking, but how can tail pipes be remotely pleasurable (unless maybe something like this were inserted into the tail pipe first)? 

Sadly unlrelated to auto-‘mos, but still awesome, is the fact we now know how versatile Jeanna Maroney’s song “Muffin Top” (we’re talking “30 Rock” now) truly is.  When slowed and accompanied by cello, lines like “…but I just wanna dance” take on a new poignant meaning, especially considering Jeanna has faked her death to garner Tupac Shakur-like postmortem popularity.  Gnatalby is now required to play cello and sing “Muffin Top” at my funeral.