I’m All Out of Love

by

This week’s Park and Recreation was AWESOME.

Once again, Leslie infiltrates a boys’ club: the annual hunting trip. On the course of the hunt someone shoots Ron in the head, Dick Cheney-style, and Leslie confesses to the ranger that it was her in the greatest confession ever:

Leslie: “Okay. Fine. I got that tunnel-vision that girls get. That’s what happened. End of story… Ummm.. I let my emotions get the best of me. I just I guess… cared too much I guess. I was thinking with my lady parts. I was walking and I felt something icky. I thought there was going to be chocolate… (valley girl voice) I don’t even remember! I’m wearing a new um. bra, and it closes in the front so it popped open and it threw me off. All I want to do is have babies! Are you single? I’m just like, going through a thing right now. I guess my life isn’t complete and I just want to shoot someone! This would not happen if I had a penis! What? Bitches be crazy… I’m good at tolerating pain, I’m bad at math… and.. I’m stupid…”

But, aha! It wasn’t ever Leslie! She covered for Tom because he didn’t have a hunting license!

I think Leslie’s hero Hillary Clinton would be proud of this subversion.

But! Also! April and Andy bond over the sublime Muzak semicroonings of one Air Supply! I’m not ashamed to admit, All out of Love is one of my karaoke songs. But I’ve never given anyone a hickey to it.

ETA: In my drunken review here (only one typo, (that I caught) good for me! Or disturbing for me. Whatever, don’t judge.) I forgot to mention the amazing line: “Guys love it when you can show them you’re better than they are at something they love.”

Long has this been my misguided romantic strategy. A few years ago I had a crush on this one dude, and he was all “Let’s play Horse” and I was all okay, but I don’t really know anything about basketball… And I kicked his ASS and was totally ungracious about it. There may have been dancing around and shouts of “In your FACE!”

My lady friends were all, “Haven’t you seen tv or movies? You should have let him show you how.”

But fuck that noise. Future gentleman callers: If you want to be better than me at something you’re just going to have to be better than me at it. And if you’re not attracted to excellence then… you’re the weird one!

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One Response to “I’m All Out of Love”

  1. somebody42 Says:

    “If you want to be better than me at something you’re just going to have to be better than me at it. And if you’re not attracted to excellence then… you’re the weird one!” Amen, sister!

    I used to say I couldn’t understand why men find weakness and incompetence attractive. Truth is, they don’t. What they can’t stand is a woman being stronger or more competent than they are.

    It’s how sexism hurts men, too, although it hurts women worse. They can’t feel manly (read “human”) if a woman outperforms them at anything, which will, inevitably, happen. They are particularly sensitive to this in sexual relationships. Some are OK with having a woman for a boss or being outperformed by a female coworker. His wife or girlfriend? Hell no!

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