The Abriged Edition


If only we could all have so much exposition, too bad it had to happen on the second episode of the season rather than the first.

Megan: Okay, here’s the abridged edition: Craig just lost his wife, Sidney, in a terrible accident on their wedding day and Craig blames Samantha because she was in the car that ran Sidney down. Now, Billy works with Craig, so he’s caught right in the middle, and, Sam, oh she’s a terrible wreck and understandably, because her father was in the car with her and he died too.. in the same accident…

Later Megan exposition fairies some more to two people who were direct participants in the actions she describes, Peter and Michael:

Megan: First of all, I’m the one who canceled the meeting. Look, the board still has no idea about the feud that is going on between the two of you and I’ve decided it’s going to stay that way for your welfare and the welfare of Burns-Mancini a medical corporation. [That’s some oddly formal phrasing.] … Let’s review the facts: Fact number one, you both have acted like insane egocentric overly ambitious idiots…. Fact two, through a nefarious plot worthy of Satan, Michael stole your job, Peter. Fact three, rather than go through the proper authorities, you, Peter, tossed Michael through a window. [In Peter’s defense, you don’t call the cops on Melrose to get people arrested for things they actually did. Prison is for the unjustly accused, duh.] Now the purpose of my being here today is to negotiate a peace treaty.

Oh Megan, you make it all seem so exciting, when we all know if hasn’t been exciting since Brooke got killed in the Melrose Pool. Awesomely.

The show’s greatest asset, Amanda Woodward, is presently paired with Kyle, who is not only boring, but manages to infect potentially interesting storylines with his dullness, he’s like the Dan Humphrey of Melrose Place.

Anyhoodle, Amanda goes to confront Peter about his alleged sterility which would mean that Taylor is pregnant by Kyle (but who knows if she’s even pregnant, on tv it seems like 95% of pregnancies are faked, when this seems like the most idiotic plot a woman could hatch, as proof is expected on a pretty strict timeline). Anyway, she tells Peter that being with Kyle is nice and uncomplicated, and it’s the first time she’s ever felt that. And Peter is all, “The second time, you mean.”

Oh I LOLed and LOLed. Peter… you tried to MURDER her! Most normal people consider that a complication.



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