So Many Baby Daddies


The mainstay of the esteemed Maury show is the paternity test.  I think the breakdown of Maury’s programming works out to something like:  50% “Who’s the Baby Daddy?”, 40% “My Teenage Daughter is Out of Control!”, and 10% “Tranny or Not?”   (there might also need to be room for Freak Baby shows, like the one where a kid had Maple Syrup Urine Disease, which is a thing, see here.)

Lying on the couch just now, in a head cold daze, I was snapped into clear consciousness when I noticed guest Brandi had the words “2nd time on show” parenthetically attached to her on-screen name.  Seriously Brandi?  I realize it takes some lack of shame to show up on Maury at all, but to appear a second time after finding out the first time that the dude you yelled at on national television for lacking responsibility wan’t the particular dude of supposedly many that you had unprotected sex with in a relatively brief window of time…that borders on disconnection with reality.  This second time around, Brandi yelled at Dude #2 about the importance of taking responsibility (something Brandi thinks she knows a lot about, oddly), only to find out yet again that she was wrong.  Immediately after, Brandi began planning her third appearance on Maury.  A lot is better for women than a few decades ago, but for the flooziest of ladies DNA testing must be kind of a bummer, especially when it gets to the third test.

Also, I’m confused by another guest’s claim that “he has to be the baby daddy because he has super sperm.”  What is this, and how is it verified in a non-laboratory boudoir setting?

Oh, and there’s a lesbian couple who each brought on a separate possible baby daddy for the two kids they each had right before getting together.  When you’re caught in a sea of baby daddies (and super semen), I guess sometimes the only thing that can lift you out is a strong, lesbian lover’s hand.



2 Responses to “So Many Baby Daddies”

  1. Lindsey Says:

    Yeah, I’m totally stalking you now. BUT OMG. MAPLE SYRUP URINE DISEASE?!!! 111 That brought back so many horrible, horrible memories!

    • doostyn Says:

      Oooo my first interweb stalker! Too bad I know who you are, and, assuming you haven’t undergone any major psychological breakdowns in the past 8 years, you won’t be sending me toenail clippings and pot holders made out of the remnants of your shaved head. That level of stalker-dom is my measure of success.

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