Oh Snap! (?)


Tyra is always reliably bat-shit bizarre-o, but sometimes I have a hard time telling whether she’s exactly like her character, a Barbie-esque doll come to life, from the awesome-licious and LiLo co-starring Life-Size (i.e. entirely ignorant), or, like Paris Hilton, someone with a vacant, superficial, self-absorbed pseudo-act going on that is way more intelligence-based than immediately apparent.

Kathy Griffin was on today’s show, a welcome foil to Tyra’s ego-fest.  Ms. Griffin is a fearless quick wit who specializes in deflating celebrity self-importance, and I waited with clenched hands as she started off with a litany of insulting asides (perfectly delivered as undeniable fact):  Suze Orman’s a (brilliant and better-able-to-handle-the-economic-crisis-than-even-our-infallible-president) lesbian, Barbara Walters is a power-hungry humorless beeeeeeetch (not her words exactly, but this was the gist), etc.  Tyra is a friend to the staaaaars, Oprah-in-training if you will, so this would seemingly be an obvious conflict of interest.  She did offer a disclaimer when Kathy started in (“These views are not those of the Tyra Show or mine personally”) to which Kathy responded “Don’t want to hurt that Banks Empire!” which is just so impressively gutsy (I think I have some sass to spare, but I would keep mine tightly bottled in the presence of the Tyra and her empire…I think she might have it in her to cut a bitch, or hire a contract bitch-cutter).

The confusion came when Kathy started in on Oprah (!) and, better yet, Tyra’s semi-recent appearance on Oprah.  Kathy started making fun of it and letting Tyra know she gets no free pass, even a pretend one for the sake of face-to-face niceties.  But then Tyra, in a totally dry manner and with no hint of joking in her forever-smiling eyes, responded, “Have you been on Oprah lately?”

This was played with such a straight face (and Tyra, if she decided to contribute to the comedic arts, would probably be a very broad comic, so I don’t interpret this as her use of her heretofore undiscovered dry wit) and with no reaction from the audience that we are left with two conclusions.

1.)  Tyra is sweetly naive/really fucking stupid to think that Kathy Griffin could eeeeeeeeever be within Her Majesty The Oprah’s Celebrity Safe Space confines

2.)  Tyra just majorly matched wits with a seriously funny, seriously catty lady.

And this is why I come back to you for more, Tyra.  You’re a mystery.  A borderline psychotic mystery…



2 Responses to “Oh Snap! (?)”

  1. gnatalby Says:

    I like to think that Tyra is an evil genius. In support of this, I submit the fact that she routinely puts white girls in weaves that they have NO idea how to care for on Top Model, which only results in them looking progressively more terrifying as the seasons continue while Tyra looks fiercer and fiercer.

    Also, remember when she made Yaya apologize to a hat? Priceless times.

  2. Sadako Says:

    The weave thing has to be a calculated ploy. It just has to be. I’ve been watching a lot of old eps and no white girl ever looks good in one.

    She made Yaya apologize to a hat?!

    I also wonder how much reality there was in the “WE WERE ALL ROOTING FOR YOU” scream meltdown thing. Like was she really pissed that a girl would dare to not sob and threaten to take cyanide at the prospect of being eliminated? Or was it all completely calculated? You never know with T-Banks.

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