Lily, Hams, and the gang

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Thought stream during this week’s episode of Gossip Girl:

 

Enter Lily’s mother during Lily-purposefully-throws-Serena-in-jail-not-for-a-crime-but-to-teach-a-lesson drama.

Mom to Lily:  “She [Serena] called me.  Isn’t it ironic?  If only she knew…”

Serena all novocaine-y can’t-move-mouth face and standing right there in front of them:  “Hi grandma…”  How was she supposed to not have heard this?  Does she  not know what’s going on because she was force fed PCP by a cell mate named Hams and subjected to Hams’ special brand of woman love while in jail, or does she just not care?  Hams couldn’t resist that piece of UES ass, so I’m going with drugged-out lady love.

***

Phone conversation between B and S:

B: “Why are you still in jail?”

S: “It was my choice.”  Oh how very martyr-y of you Serena.  Why don’t you go on a hunger strike while you’re at it.  (It is bikini season!)

B: “Oh god you’re not going to come out of there with a mullet and a girlfriend are you?”  Hams totally had a mullet in my mind’s eye.  Blair and I think alike, I can’t help it, I’m just as pretty and smart as her, it’s not my fault, don’t hate me.

***

IT’S THE 80S, DO A LOT OF COKE AND VOTE FOR RONALD REAGAN!

I think Lily’s sister’s corpuscles are being caressed with cocaine when we first meet her.  

Lily’s sister is playing The B-52s’ “52 Girls” when they’re in the car together.  This song is awesome, one of the best of the fanny pack rubik’s cube MTV (wait what decade is this again) era.

Oooo and New Order!  Lily’s 80s years had a conveniently fab 80s soundtrack.

Oh nevermind, “Saftey Dance.”  Lily’s 80s years are suddenly a little mainstream and party standard.  Psssssssssssshaw.

Depeche Mode.  I’m warming up to your 80s cool factor 80s Lily.

OH NO THAT 80S BEEEEEEETCH DID NOT JUST CALL 80S LILY VALLEY TRASH!

***

Blair looks so very pretty pretty in a tiara.  Pretty pretty…

***

I totally missed it and rewinding isn’t helping.  What did Chuck do to Blair and Nate’s limo?  How did whatever he do to the limo help her have a perfect prom? Did he fill it with his naked self?  Naked Chuck Bass is going in my perfect prom scrapbook now.

***

Oh no.  Are Blair and Nate too beautiful and perfect to be together?

***

Yes.  They are.

***

High school boyfriends should be broken up with in almost all cases.

***

I hope Blair and Serena, once in college, aren’t “sisters” anymore as they grow apart and one of them becomes a gorgeous, talented, cunning co-ed who gets what she wants and the other becomes a binge-drinking orange-tanned walking syphylis bomb and then Serena (she’s the orange one in this fantasy if you haven’t figured that out yet) drowns in a pool of Bud Light and self-tanner.

***

So this episode was meant to introduce us to a spin-off, and Lily might have been an okay show.  I did like the actors in it (nice casting on Brat Packer Andrew McCarthy as Lily’s dad, so good to see those Brat Packers getting work on teen soaps these days).  But it seems like it could have easily been an overly-stylized dud too.  So sad for all of humanity that we’ll never know (Gnatably informs me it’s been canceled before it could even really begin other than being introduced during this episode of GG,  and so now it just seems like this episode has very elaborately produced flashbacks).

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One Response to “Lily, Hams, and the gang”

  1. gnatalby Says:

    Okay, so in the beginning they gave us a date– 1983. That’s apparently when Lily’s sister (forgettable name… Carol? Who knows!) invented fanny packs. If I were motivated I’d check and make sure the music was time period appropriate, but who has that kind of time? Okay me, but who has that kind of motivation.

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