Oprah’s going to give you every inch of her love

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OPRAH PENIS!

I was rudely confronted with this image during my lunch hour today.  Oprah was (street) walking down memory lane on today’s episode, and she thought she’d share some of her most terrifying moments (I think it was something more like “most memorable guests” but my theme is way more apt).

Jenny Boylan, author of the book She’s Not There and a post-transitional transsexual, is really responsbile for originating this train of thought, but Oprah so did not help things.  Oprah, our reliable clueless American rube stand-in confronted with all things “weeeeeeeeeeird” (which, honestly, has to be an act sometimes….what is this like transsexual guest #47 for you now Oprah?) , asks Jenny something along the lines of “Why did you have to have a vagina?”  To which Jenny, awesomely, responds “How would you feel if you had a penis Oprah?”  Oprah gives blank thoughtful face.

The viewer starts to recover from that brutal attack of thought rape when, cut to present-day Oprah with the same creepy think-y face.  Why won’t she let us live in peace?  Why, Oprah, do you then say “I really was thinking about what it would be like to have a penis.”   We know you were!  We were too!  It was mortifying.  Please, it’s getting awkward grandma, put your top back on.  (Aren’t you sometimes embarassed by Oprah like she’s a crazy family member?)

So, now that I’ve passed along the horror, try to think about it but not in that way you prurient sicko.  What would Oprah with a penis be like?  Would Oprah be controlled by her penis and join the evil patriarchy?  Or would she change all penises with her womanly love and upbeat better life book club shit?  Maybe a Be a Better Penis Day would result.  

Ok now just think about how it would look.  Gross, huh?

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3 Responses to “Oprah’s going to give you every inch of her love”

  1. What are you trying to tell us, Oprah? « Booze. TV. Food. How Do *You* Spend Friday Nights? Says:

    […] interview the guy who found the penis, this quote might also reveal a trend.  See below post (https://theboozetube.wordpress.com/2009/04/22/43/) to draw your own conclusions, but I swear Oprah had the same weirdly inspired look on both […]

  2. gnatalby Says:

    Oprah with her own power plus patriarchy would be king of the known universe.

    But ahem, it’s transgendered. 😉

  3. Doostyn Says:

    transsexual (plural transsexuals)
    A person who identifies as a gender different from that which they were assigned at birth, as well as maintains the need for a physical sex at variance with their biological one. Transsexuals often correct their anatomy to better conform to their gender identity, mainly through hormonal and surgical techniques.
    One who has undergone cross-sex hormonal therapy and/or sex reassignment surgery.

    transgender (plural transgenders)
    A person who thinks that the gender assigned to them at birth is not a correct or complete description of what they feel; a catch-all term that includes transvestites, transsexuals, cross-dressers and others.
    A person whose gender may be different than that assigned at birth, but are comfortable with their birth physical sex.

    Seems like both are right. Snap! But I have no idea if one is preferred. I find it hard to keep that stuff straight. It seems trans- people really just don’t like being called anything except person/man/woman, especially when post-transitional. But then what terminology do you use to easily identify as such…otherwise Oprah would be like “Jenny Boylan joins me, a woman who used to be a man but then had gender reassignment surgery. Jenny also used to be transgendered, but then she was transsexual one day when she got her new vagina, and now she’s none of those things.” Words are really helpful sometimes, but obviously can’t say I personally identify with this enough to know what hurts and what doesn’t.

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