The start of Season Six Melrose Place is a thing to behold. MP jumps wildly between hilariously entertaining and complete boring (generally the emphasis on Allison, Billy, and Jo has something to do with it). This episode brings things back to AWESOMEFUL after a mostly lackluster season five.
Taylor, who may or may not be faking a pregnancy, arranges to marry Peter. At first I thought their “wedding” was a dream sequence, but it turns out it stuck. When the minister asks if anyone objects Peter, awesomely is all: “Actually, I think I do.”
Taylor: Peter, that’s not funny.
Peter: No, it’s hilarious actually. I mean if you think about. Really, just think about it. Just probe that scheming little brain of yours and try to understand how you could think for a second that I could possibly stomach being in your presence for one more minute, much less marry you!
Taylor: My God stop it!
Peter: Did you think I was insane AND stupid? I know what you and Michael did [trick Peter into thinking he had RAGE epilepsy], I know about the lies, I know about the drugs I know about the fake beatings and how you wanted to ruin me so you could come full circle with your bizarre fantasy of marrying your dead sister’s husband?!?!?…. The thought of you being pregnant with my child is enough to make vomit. Goodbye Taylor, I hope you get a ride back to wherever you came from.
Heh. I mean, it reminds me of the urban legend with the dude who passes out a program of his wife to be having sex with the best man. Who would go through all the trouble of having an expensive wedding just to humiliate someone? Particularly since, in this case, the wedding wasn’t even in front of the bride’s family or people they mutually know!
And then the resident Gay Matt takes off with a hilarious goodbye to the ‘Place speech.
Matt: I had never lived anywhere like this. It’s a special place, you know? Amazing people have passed through here. [weirdly with a smile] Some have died, some have gotten married and just moved on, but I swear it was only a moment ago I was sitting at the edge of that pool laughing with Rhonda. I remember them all. The old and the new. And I will always remember this place. It’s where I really grew up.
It’s a speech that’s totally out of tone with Melrose Place, but it’s a good piece of acting. Maybe it’s just that I’m about that age, but I understand the feeling of having a long history a place and simultaneously feeling like it was new.
If only the rest of MP’s writing held up to that speech.
Tags: Melrose Place (classic)